Whatever you celebrate over the Silly Season, it often involves increased family time. For many people this can bring up difficult feelings and a tendency to regress to our former angsty teenaged selves. Read on for 5 helpful tips to get through (fairly) unscathed.
Tip #1: Strategic self-care
I recommend engaging in self-care activities before and after family functions. Self-care includes anything that fills up your stores of capacity, resilience, and emotional bandwidth.
Remember: the empty sack cannot stand.
Examples of self-care include:
Going for a walk
Listening to music
Spending time with friends, partners or pets
Tidying your space
Treating yourself
Having a bath
Reading a book
Watching your favourite show
Engaging in creativity
Being in nature
Tip #2: Connect to values and intentions
Connecting to your values and setting an intention for the event can be a good way to remain in your ~higher self~. Here are some reflective prompts to get you going:
What's meanintful to me about attending this event?
What is a realistic expectation of myself and others?
What am I genuinely looking forward to?
What can I hope to gain or learn from this?
Tip #3: Regulation breaks
No doubt throughout the event your stress levels will start to rise. As best you can, try to attune to these sensations. For example, you might notice changes to:
Thoughts (e.g., greater judgement or criticism to the self or others)
Emotions (e.g., irritation, sadness)
Sensations in your body (e.g., elevated heart rate, foggyness)
Behaviours (e.g., withdrawing, getting snappy, reliance on alcohol)
When you notice a change, press PAUSE on whatever you're doing and take a regulation break. Below are some exercises you can use to regulate.
Parasympathetic Breathing
Breathing can help slow our heart rate and return our nervous system to a calm state. It's important that your exhale is longer than your inhale. For example, try:
Inhale for 3 seconds
Exhale for 4 seconds
Repeat 10 times
A.C.E.
A.C.E. is a helpful grounding technique for those times when we get caught up in our internal world. It helps us to return to the present moment.
A: Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings
What is happening in your mind and your body? Try to notice what's going on without needing to change it
C: Connect with your body
Push your feet into the floor, straighten your back, stretch, move your body and notice what it feels like to be empowered and in control of your body. Engage with your senses - what can you see, hear, taste, touch and feel?
E: Engage in what you're doing
What are you doing? Where are you? How do you want to be in this moment? What's important for you going forward?
Mantra
A mantra is something you can say to yourself to bring about a sense of wellbeing. For example, you might say: "That was then, this is now. I am [insert age] years old. I am safe."
Tip #4: Increase supports
Consider whether you might need to increase the frequency of your therapy sessions during this time, change a medication dosage, or bring in another form of support to help you cope during the Silly Season. Remember, increasing supports during a difficult time is not a sign of weakness or failure. It actually demonstrates you're aware of, and planning for inevitable challenges. Go you!
Tip #5: Strike while the iron is cold
While around your family, you may begin to notice patterns and have some lightbulb moments. These are important, but can be intense realisations. It does not do to dwell on them while also trying to navigate the stressful situation. If you notice any patterns, simply write them down in your Notes app to reflect on AFTER the holiday season ends.
Family can be hard. The reason for this is the relationships with our parents served as blueprints for how we relate to ourselves and others. Some of us carry around wounds (big and small) from our childhood to this day.
BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS: with reflection, regulation, and intentional relationships these wounds can be healed.
If you're interested in reflecting more on your attachment styles, check out WellSpace Psychology's online course Teach Me About Attachment. In this self-paced course, you will learn all about your attachment style and how to work towards attachment security.
WellSpace Psychology
Studio 17, First Floor, 105 Victoria Street, Fitzroy/Ngár-go, Victoria, 3065
t: 0481 591 515
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